


The Beginning of My Hell.

by bunnibuns



Series: What are friends for? [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-28 03:33:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13895361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunnibuns/pseuds/bunnibuns
Summary: Kaneki's mother is murdered in front of him, and we get more information about his past leading up to the accident with Rize.This is a sort of prologue and will be mostly in Kaneki's perspective.





	1. The Beginning of My Hell

**Tokyo Police; Official Report**

**Kaneki Ken; Male, 10 Years old**

**Found alone in apartment crying hysterically tied to a chair, around 11 pm. Mothers corpse was found 5 feet away in a pool of blood. Neighbors called for noise complaint of screaming and heavily laughter. Child reports his mother was an active ghoul because of him. Expresses signs of drug dependency and appears to be currently detoxing. Scars on legs, wrist, and chest.  When questioned about abuse the child said it was because he was asking for to much. Child is no longer speaking with authorities. Recommendations; Physic evaluation and suicide watch.**

 

My name is Ken Kaneki. I was 10 years old when my mother was brutally murdered, 5 feet in front of me. She was a single mother struggling to make ends met and heard from my aunt of a gang named Aogiri, and she joined them as a low level drug runner. This gang was infamous in Tokyo for running heavy narcotics as well as black market organs. The members of this gang, "Ghouls", are ruthless in everything they do. Maybe thats why mother ended up in a puddle of her own blood. The man she worked under, Jason, was angry with her because she couldn't meet the required amount of sales that month. It wasn't the first time and Jason was not a patient man. I had met Jason a number of times before my mothers death. He used to come to our small apartment at night and drop off drugs and pick up money from mom. "Kaneki dear, why don't you go sit in your room while I talk with Mr. Jason?" My mother always used to tell me anytime he would come over. I remember the metallic smell that would fill our entire apartment when he would come over. A smell I can now recognize as blood. Jason was the one mostly in charge of extracting organs from customers who couldn't repay their debts. 

"You stupid whore, this is the third time you haven't made us enough money for the drugs we gave you last month!" Jason screamed loudly at my mother. His screaming jarred me awake from the sleep I don't remember slipping into. It happened often, Mom would cook me dinner and give me a few pills to help with my anxiety and I would wake up the next morning hazy and didn't remember anything after dinner. I tried to open my eyes, but was met with only darkness. Smelling the strong metallic scent I knew Jason was in our home speaking with my mom. I tried to get up but couldn't move anything but my hands. Wiggling my fingers and feeling nothing but rope in them, I knew something was horribly wrong. Jason had been to our apartment many times, but I had never been tied up before.  _'Maybe I did something to anger mom?'_ Kaneki tried to remember what had happened the last few hours but couldn't find anything that would make his mother upset enough to tie him to a chair. Sure, he had been beaten by his mother before badly enough to cause scars on his body but rarely did she ever restrain him like this.

"Look at this one guys, he looks nice and ripe. I bet we could get a lot for his organs." One of the ghouls stepped closer to me and lifted the blindfold. I Blinked rapidly trying to adjust to the sudden brightness. Jason towered over me, at that moment I felt all my muscles go ridged as I looked onto his tall statue, He was one of the bigger, scarier of the ghouls. "J-Jason? What is going on? W- Wheres my mom?" Jason simply laughed and pointed his fingers with claw like rings towards the kitchen floor. I screamed when I saw mother laying in a puddle of blood on the floor, pale from blood loss, and eyes fogged over. She looked like she was inches from death, with a gaping hole in her stomach. 

Jason pulled my face up to his with those bloodied claw rings and spoke in a deep gruff voice, "Kaneki, your mother is 3 months in debt. The look in your eyes tells me where the pills have been going and why she can't repay the amount given. I don't play games. Your mother will be sold to pay off her debt. If she doesn't make us enough then you will consume her debt and you will be the one to repay us. Either with drug running, organ donation, or something else. When the time comes just remember this." Jason pulled his clawed hand away from my face and licked some of the blood that was running down his wrist. I almost lost every meal I'd eaten that week. Screaming as loud as I could for him to stop. "Oh Kaneki, your mothers blood is absolutely divine! I can't wait until I can try yours!" Jason started laughing madly as I started to cry. 

Jason didn't bother cleaning up the mess left of my mother. He just stood fully, nodded at me and walked out the front door. Once the door had fully closed I began crying louder than before, no longer concerned at possible punishment from Jason. I kept crying until I fell into a deep black pit and stayed there in that pit until there was a hand shaking my shoulder. I looked up and saw a police officer holding a flashlight to my face, but never stopped crying. The police took pictures of everything and finally placed me in the back of their car and drove me to the hospital. As soon as I laid down in the hospital bed I fell asleep, the memories of the past few hours flashing in my dreams. 


	2. Chapter 2

I was sitting alone in my hospital room, the doctors and nurses have finished their rounds for the day, when I heard a knock on my door. Hide, my best friend, came into the room. "Kaneki! I'm so sorry about your mom. I know she was the only family you really have, but my parents said you can come stay at my house until you find out whats going to happen to you. It will be like an extended sleepover." Hide walked over towards My bed and stood their staring at me, My matted black hair and deep gray eyes filled with sadness, and too pale skin that was tight over my bones. I felt weak and exposed. Hide felt like it was his job to protect me, to get me to eat and to get me to feel happiness. To feel like a normal person, who was loved deeply.

 

"Thank you Hide. I'll have to think about it. I don't know when they are going to let me leave this hospital." I had been held here overnight for observation, and the doctors and nurses were telling me if everything went well I could be released the follow day. But I still had no where to go. I no longer had a permanent home. Hide and I talked a bit more before he left for the night. I had dreams about about how we met, and our first sleep over that night.

**_'Hey, my names Hideyoshi Nagachika, but you can call me Hide!"_** That was the first time me a Hide had met. He sat down next to me and we talked for a long time. We talked about me, and about him. He loved music and bright colors. He says he wants to grow up and be the sun of someones world. I told him I loved books, and he just laughed at me.  _ **'I was wondering why you always sat alone reading at school!'**_ Our friendship took off from there. Hide was always with me, and he became the only constant in my life. Even before my mom died Hide was the only one I felt truly cared about me. That was years ago, and even as we grew closer and Hide received glimpses into my life he remained my best friend. Hide knew I struggled to stand up for myself, and was always there to defend me.

Our first sleepover happened a week later. Hide invited me over to his house because my mom was having a meeting with Aogiri. That's the night he found all my scars, cuts, and bruised. I pulled my shirt off to get ready for bed when he looked over at me and asked what happened.  _ **'Hey Kaneki? What happened to your chest?'**_ I broke down and told him about how I annoyed my mom by asking for things and how I needed to be punished. I told him about feeling so guilty for wanting things that I would make myself throw up the foods I had eaten, and told him about the business my mom was in. Hide learned my deepest problems that night, he knew my mother abused me and always made sure to leave his door open if I needed an escape for the night. Hide knew about my eating disorder and always helped me when I got to weak. Forcing me to eat, and keep the food down, and always withholding judgment. He was truly my best friend that night, promising to protect me. Hide became my only light in my dark light.

 

After my release from the hospital I stayed with Hide for a few months. The time I spend with Hide was like living with real family. We had meals together at a dinner table, talked about school and what was going on in our lives. The time was cut short when Hide's parents got a call from the police telling them my aunt came forward for custody. 

My Aunt moved me into her home, but never welcomed me as part of the family. She always had things for me to do, cleaning, cooking, and delivering orders for her customers. She kept me heavily reliant on the narcotics that she had me running for her. She said it kept me calm, and made me more willing to do things. This is one thing Hide never knew about. After being released from the hospital the doctor kept me on different kinds of medications to deal with the trauma, so it was easy to blame the high behavior on other medications. He always just assumed it was some kind of anti depressant or anxiety medication that caused the coma like sleep, or the cloudy fog in my eyes. 

My aunt noticed the cuts. She never cut me and knew they weren't old cuts inflicted by my mom. She knew they were self inflicted. She locked me in my room for 2 days without any food. The only thing she gave me was the pills. I slept most of the time, and when I did wake up it was only for her to bring me out to clean her home before her guest arrived. She told me the only reason she allowed me to live with her was to help with the business, telling me I needed to know how to run, because eventually Jason would call for me. After the second day she came into my room and told me I would be going back to school that day and to get ready. 

I was walking towards the front doors of the school when Hide jumped on my back. "Kaneki dang it how long were you going to leave me alone?" I stared at hide and said sorry. "Its ok, but don't do it again? You have no idea how hard it was without you being here!" Hide started laughing and grabbed my arm to lead me to class. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time jump, Kaneki is now 14, and Hide is 15. 
> 
> The perspective in this chapter starts as Kaneki, switches to Hide and jumps back to Kaneki. Separated by the XXXX line.

I had been living with my aunt for a few years now.I was 14 years old and had more freedom. I was making her deliveries and was able to hanging out with Hide as long as the chores were done. I had finished all my chores and asked If I could have a sleep over at Hide's house. "Make the delivery and I don't give a damn what you do." My aunt replied to me. I nodded and went to my room to pack for the sleepover. I pulled out my cell phone to send Hide a text. I left my aunts house with my bag packed for the sleepover at Hides, and a bag of drugs to be dropped off as I sent the text.

> **SENT TEXT; To HIDE:** **6:04 PM**
> 
> **Subject: Sleepover**
> 
> Hey my aunt said its fine for me to sleepover. I'm going to get ready and should be there in about an hour. See you later! 
> 
>  

The delivery probably wouldn't take that long, but I wanted to give myself extra time in case something went wrong and I took a bit longer. The customers that bought from my aunt weren't always there on time, or they didn't have enough cash and had to go grab more. Some of them even tried to trade me other things for the drugs they so desperately wanted. If I wasn't there in the next hour, Hide would get worried.

I walked down the street, stopping at the correct building. I had been doing all the sales for a few years now, so I was calmer dealing with the customers now. I still had fears of making the sales but I was able to hide it better with time, and the heavy drug use I submitted myself to. 

After making the sale I checked my phone to see the time and if Hide had texted back. There was a simple reply text from Hide that said "Ok see ya!" and it was only 6:23 PM. Deciding not to go home just to leave again I made my way to Hide's house. It was only a 5 minute walk from where I was now instead of a 15 minute walk from my aunts house. 

XXXXXXXXXX

I checked my phone to see if Kaneki had texted me yet. I had been waiting about 20 minutes for a reply about him sleeping over. I had my current boyfriend over and wanted to make sure Kaneki didn't come in to find anything to odd going on.My phone finally buzzed in my pocket.

> **NEW TEXT: KANEKI: 6** **:04 PM**
> 
> **Subject: Sleepover**
> 
> Hey my aunt said its fine for me to sleepover. I'm going to get ready and should be there in about an hour. See you later!

 Great! Kaneki would be over in about an hour, that means I still have time to hang out with Rei. "Hey Rei, it looks like I can't hang out past 7. My mom said my dad will be home then and wants to spend time with me." I lied. I didn't want him to think I was ditching him to hang out with Kaneki, even though I was. Kaneki was just my best friend and nothing more, but he wouldn't see it that way. I sent a reply to Kaneki as I spoke. 

"Ok thats fine, lets just enjoy our time until then~" Rei spoke in a sweet voice and climbed up onto my lap, pulling my face down with his hands and landed a hard kiss on my lips. We sat on the floor kissing, and biting at each other. My pants got to tight to fast, and I began sweating. I pulled away from Rei and stood to take off my shirt, patting the bed next to me. "The bed is better than the floor." I smiled at him slyly as I spoke and sat down on the bed. He didn't hesitate to take the hint and climbed up onto my bed and sat cross legged across from me. I leaned into him and started kissing him again. Licking his bottom lip, and breathing heavy. 

I heard foot steps over my heavy breathing and a twist of the door knob. Suddenly the door was throw open and Kaneki was standing in the door. 

Surprised that Kaneki was here already, I pushed Rei onto the floor. He let out a loud yelp and stood to face me. "What the hell Hide? Why did you push me? Who is this guy?" He looked really mad. "H-hide? U-uh... I can come back later. Sorry I'm early." I looked over and saw Kaneki's face was bright red, and he was looking down at the floor.  _'Good job Hide, damn now what?'_ I couldn't think of anything fast enough. Rei started looking back and forth between me and Kaneki, and his eyes widened. Thinking he had made a discovery he let out a loud sigh. "Hide, Its fine I think I can see whats going on here, Ill leave. Have fun with this new guy. Don't call me." With that Rei pushed past Kaneki and walked out the front door of my house. 

_'Oh shit. Now what?'_ "Kaneki, uh, That was my uh..... friend, Rei." I felt as red as Kaneki looked. 

XXXXXXXXXX

 "H-hide? Uh.. was that Rei from school? Why were you kissing him?" I asked quietly.  _'What the hell? Why was Hide kissing Rei? I thought he had a girlfriend?' "_ Um Kaneki? Why don't you sit down you don't look so good. Have you eaten today?" Hide asked me. "Come sit down and Ill talk to you about what just happened." I nodded and sat down on Hide's bed. I opened my mouth to talk and Hide put his hand up to stop me before I said anything. "Kaneki, you're my best friend and I feel like you should know this. This doesn't change anything between us. I'm still Hide. But... Kaneki I'm gay. I don't actually have a girlfriend I just told you that as a cover so I could see my boyfriend." Hides words stumbled out, spoken to fast. "Ah it feels so good to finally tell you."  _'To finally tell me? How long has he known?'_


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, and short chapter. I had some end of term finals due this weekend that took way longer than I thought it would. 
> 
> Im thinking this work will have 5 chapters total. This chapter will be in Hide's perspective where he notices he has a crush on Kaneki. It kind of jumps around a little. The first part is younger Hide, after the line is the older Hide after Kaneki finds him kissing his boyfriend, and just before Kaneki's date with Rize.

I was 12 when I had finally realized I didn't find myself looking at girls like other boys did. I looked at other boys the way they looked at girls. I never talked to anyone about it. I kept it to myself for years. I was 14 when I had my first kiss. He told me he wanted to experiment and I was fine with it, I needed to figure out if I was really that way too. So we left lunch early and walked into a hidden area of the school. I leaned in and kissed him, and he kissed me back. At that point I started to notice things about Kaneki that made me like him more than a friend. 

It didn't happen over night. I started noticing things slowly. Things like the way his eyes lit up when we talked about the books he was currently reading, or the way he smiled after seeing me for the first time in a few days. Those small things he did when he talked, like rubbing his chin when he lied. Yeah, I loved it even if he was lying.

One afternoon we were walking to our favorite restaurant, Big girl, and I looked up at him. We had aged a bit since we were kids, I was now 15.  I noticed the way the light reflected off his pale skin and lit up his gray eyes. His looked so beautiful in the sunlight. I walked into a pole while staring at Kaneki and he started laughing at me. I didn't mind because his laughter was music flowing through my head. Filling me with a happiness I never wanted to lose. 

* * *

 

Kaneki, my happiness, was sitting in front of me. He had just walked in on me making out with my boyfriend Rei. "Kaneki, you're my best friend and I feel like you should know this. This doesn't change anything between us. I'm still Hide. But... Kaneki I'm gay. I don't actually have a girlfriend I just told you that as a cover so I could see my boyfriend." I spoke quickly, my words were stumbling out of my mouth almost faster than my brain could put the sentence together. "Ah it feels so good to finally tell you." 

Kaneki looked at my with a confused and hurt expression on his face. "Finally tell me? How long have you known Hide?" Hurt, definitely hurt.  _'Good job stupid.'_ Of all the reactions I expected from Kaneki, hurt was one I didn't want to happen.  _'Of course hes hurt, you're his best friend and you didn't tell him your gay! Its been years!'_

"Kaneki, Um. Look. I've known for a long time. I didn't want to tell you like this. I was planning on telling you another way." Well that didn't seem to help. "Please, don't think this changes anything between us. You're still my best friend. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I want to fuck you or anything."  _'I totally do, but thats beside the point.'_ Kaneki started laughing and I let out a soft sigh, his laughter made me feel 10 pounds lighter.  Kaneki had an infectious laugh and I started laughing too. 

After that we just talked about how I found out I was gay and he was there to offer support to me. Our friendship never really changed much after that. He was still my best friend and I would always be there to help him when he needed it. 

* * *

Kaneki had found a new coffee shop and wanted me to come check it out with him. He said he had seen a cute girl in the cafe that he wanted to talk to, and maybe ask her out. I was happy to help him, even if I had a crush on him and didn't want him going out with some random girl. We sat down in the cafe and made our order. "I'll just take a black coffee please." "Man, Kaneki. I don't know how you drink that stuff its so bitter. I'll take a cappuccino with some of that cute latte art!" The waitress snorted and walked away. "Wow Kaneki, she is pretty cute. Is that the girl you were talking about?" Kaneki looked up at me and back at the waitress. "No, but I guess she is pretty cute." He replied after she had come back and placed our coffee down on the table. 

I heard the door bell chime and Kaneki looked behind me. Following his eyes I turned and saw a girl walk into the cafe in a long dress with purple hair. She looked like she would rip Kaneki's head off just to get what she wanted. "Give up dude." I sat down as I spoke. "Hey! Thats rude! You don't even know her! She reads the same books I do! I've seen her. I'm going to ask her to go to the book store with me." I choked on my coffee when he said that. "You can't take a girl to a book store for a date! You'll bore her to death!" I was starting to feel jealous, thinking of Kaneki at his favorite book store with her instead of me. I stood to leave. "Well, now that I've seen you like a love sick puppy, I've got blackmail for days! See you later!" I dropped some cash on the table and walked out. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This will be the final chapter in the prologue and it is in Kaneki's perspective, focused on the date with Rize.

I stood in front of my bathroom mirror. It was still a little fogged over from my shower I had taken. I was about to leave to go on a date. A date I was forcing myself to go on. I did like the girl. We had the same interest, and I felt like I could be friends with her. But I don't think I could actual date her and share a life with her. I can't see myself doing that with anyone but Hide. Deciding my shaggy black hair was as good as it was going to get, I pulled my book bag on and walked out the front, towards the book store me and Rize were meeting at.

I stepped into the book store and noticed Rize sitting at a table reading a book. Black Goats Egg, My favorite. "Hello Rize. Sorry if I'm late." I sat down in the chair next to her. She put her book down and looked up at me then down at her watch. "No you're right on time. I was just early. Its nice to see you." We stayed at the book store for a while, just talking about different books and reading. I looked down at my watch and noticed it was 6 pm. "Hey Rize, its 6 pm, why don't we go get some dinner?" I sounded nervous to my own ears and hoped she wouldn't notice. I hate eating with people. 

We walked into the restaurant and sat down. I ordered a burger and she ordered a sandwich. Once the waiter brought us our food we started talking again. We talked about our favorite authors and the stories they had put out. We had one favorite in common and talked about her first book. That's when things started to go wrong. She asked me about my eating habits. "Kaneki, it looks like you've hardly eaten anything. Do you not like the food?" I felt my checks flush at the comment. "Uh.. N-no. Its actually r-really good, but I'm on a special diet. Excuse my I need to use the restroom." I stood to leave and she looked down. I think she noticed she struck a nerve. Oh well. 

I walked into the bathroom and into a stall. I tried to calm down for a minute, realizing it wasn't working. I knelt down in front of the toilet and did the only thing I could to calm my nerves. I stuck my fingers down my throat and made myself throw up, not worrying about the guilt that would eat me later that night. This would definitely start another Binge and purge episode. I stood up, washed my mouth out in the sink and popped a mint into my mouth and started walking back to my date.

As I was walking out the door I checked my phone. There was a text from Hide of course. I decided to ignore it until I got home. I sat down at the table with Rize and she looked up at me. "Kaneki, Thank you for such a lovely dinner. But its getting rather late." She looked scared, terrified even. I gave her a confused look and she continued. "You see, I live in an area with active ghouls. I don't like walking home alone so late at night." Without thinking I offered to walk her home. "What kind of date would I be if I didn't do that?" She thanked me as we got up to leave. 

We were walking down an alleyway talking about hide. "He asked me which I preferred more, Novels or him." I said while laughing lightly. "Which did you pick?" Rize asked me though bits of laughter. "Novels of course! That's funny. Now that I think about it, I never talk to anything like I've talked to you. Its only ever Hide." She stopped walking and faced me. "Well I'm glad you were able to talk with me about it. Thank you for reminding me, I've got something I need to talk to you about." Rize looked up into my eyes as I felt a foot slam into my stomach, knocking me down. "Jason wanted to me bring you to him. He says he needs something from you. In the meantime, I can have a little fun can't I? You don't mind do you?" Rize said while laughing. 

She climbed over me, "Ohhh, see, there's something I love even more than reading, Its pulling the life out of someone who's to scared to run away from me! Oh how I love the look on your face! What do you say Kaneki? Will you let me have my fun?" She was laughing as she was holding me down. She pulled a knife out of her bag and pulled my shirt off, and stabbed it into my stomach.  "Kaneki, this is going to make you a little sleepy. Just long enough for me to get you to Jason! Don't move around to much, or I might hurt you." She laughed again. 

Just as she sunk the blade into my stomach, I pushed her off me and stood to run. As I started to run down the alleyway I heard a loud crash. I turned to look back and saw a pile of steel beams laying on the ground, where Rize was sitting. I passed out on the ground next to her. 

I was weaving in and out of consciousness. Only slightly aware of the EMT's standing over me, pulling my body onto a stretcher. They loaded me into an ambulance and asked if I had any allergies. I shook my head and they placed an IV into my arm. I felt numb almost instantly. I knew they had given me a drug I was familiar with, and fell into a deep coma like sleep. 

The next time I woke up I was in a hospital room. The doctor told me I was in an accident and needed an organ transplant, and that Rize had died. The steel beams had crushed her skull, killing her instantly on impact. I nodded and asked if they could block all visitors, remembering that Rize told me Jason had sent her after me. The doctor left the room with the no visitors order and I fell asleep. Not bothering to check my phone, or to reply to Hide's earlier text. 


End file.
